Definition
1 : to show obsequious deference : fawn
2 : to kneel and touch the forehead to the ground in token of homage, worship, or deep respect
Kowtow originated as a noun referring to the act of kneeling and touching one's head to the ground as a salute or act of worship to a revered authority. In traditional China this ritual was performed by commoners making requests to the local magistrate, by the emperor to the shrine of Confucius, or by foreign representatives appearing before the emperor to establish trade relations. (In the late 18th century, some Western nations resisted performing the ritual, which acknowledged the Chinese emperor as the "son of heaven.") The word kowtow derives from Chinese koutou, formed by combining the verb kou ("to knock") with the noun tou ("head").
"My Lord?"
I heard Claude, my oldest serving (and currently only serving) servant enter my bed chambers.
"My Lord?" I heard him say again, if he hadn't been such a consummate professional, right down to his very bones, I'm sure there would have been more than a touch of weariness to his voice.
I heard him pace about the room and then the door opening and closing. I waited for another five minutes and then heaved a sigh of relief.
The covers were whipped off and I came face to face with an extremely blank faced butler.
"My Lord." He said again. "It is not appropriate for a noble of your caliber to be hiding under the bed like this."
I scowled. "I'm not a noble remember? I got disinherited after I pissed off the prince. You were there Claude, it was pretty memorable for everyone after all, since it took place in the throne room during council session."
His face didn't so much as twitch. "I remember my Lord - but still there are standards to maintain." He paused. "A human being, after all, should give up such childish pursuits as hide and seek once they have reached a certain age."
I snorted. "I can see you haven't had much experience of court romance then. Trust me, there are a lot of grown men hiding under beds in rooms where they shouldn't be at the Palace."
the temperature in the room dropped noticeably by several degrees.
"Not that I ever had one in my room!" I hastened to add. "Or hid myself."
"Of course not my Lord. That would be vastly inappropriate behavior. I should hope that I have instructed you well enough that you would never indulge in such vulgar activities." He let out a sinister smile. "Or do I need to provide you with additional education?"
I shook my head hastily.
"Excellent. Now my Lord. Get out from the bed."
I crawled out, my jitteriness making it an extremely inelegant sight indeed. I got feel the scowl building behind the mask Claude wore.
At least he'd trained me well enough to not visibly flinch.
I straightened my pajamas, not meeting his eyes.
The merest ghost of a sigh passed his lips.
"Very well my Lord. May I ask what brought this sudden occurrence of children's games?"
"Well, uh, you know, I just fancied a chance of pace?" I said nervously.
He stared at me for a brief moment, then let it pass. "Very well my Lord."
Thank God. I just did not have the guts to tell Clause that I had been dreaming about that day in the throne room, when I had let my passion overtake me and lose all sense of self preservation. The new plans I had drawn up for innovation water ways and improving the sanitary conditions for the lower classes and thus increasing productivity and decreasing plague outbreaks had been met with general disinterest by most royals, but I had been certain that the monarchs of the kingdom, those charged with the protection of the realm and the subjects therein. I had been wrong, and worse, I hadn't realised they were just like the rest of the nobles until it was too late. My passion had overridden comment sense. I still remembered the look on the prince's face when I'd called him a short sighted, self obsessed fool.
Even worse I remembered the look on Claude's.
Of course, I had been kicked out of the rank of nobles, and it was only because my mother had kept a small house in the country, separate from her husband's family, that I had anywhere to go at all.
At least the funds from the designs I had already patented and were in use kept me clothed and fed and maintained the roof over my head.
It also paid Claude's wages.
I had told him, when the other servants left, that he was more than welcome to join them as I would no longer be able to keep him in the style he was accustomed to and no longer would he be at the centre of court, the centre of the world. Surely, his capacious skills could be better utilised elsewhere.
He insisted on staying by my side.
Yay.
Still, it was thanks to him that my current household ran smoothly and I managed to procure several lucrative agreements with various agricultural and manufacturing businesses.
Truly, it was thanks to him that I hadn't encountered more problems than I did in my new life.
I just wish he would loosen up a bit on court manners. Surely, it mattered not whether i was dressed in pajamas or court robes when conducting my various engineering experiments - and did we really need to keep court timing for dining? Couldn't I just eat when I was hungry?
Admittedly, I did get a bit distracted when I was working - and the last time Claude had gone away on business I hadn't eaten in three days because I was busy working on a new design and he came home and found me passed out over the paperwork.
But still!
"My Lord." Claude's voice, monotone and respectful and yet still managing to convey an ocean of annoyance, broke into my thoughts.
"Yes Claude?"
"What are your plans for today my Lord?"
"Oh, uh. I was thinking of spending the day in my studio, I was watching birds yesterday the sheer aerodynamics of their constriction.."
"Then you're still going to ignore them?"
"Who?"
Claude marched to the window and pointed down.
"Them. The....petitioners."
"Oh Claude, only the King may receive petitioners. You know that."
"The beggars then."
"That's a bit rude, Anyway." I said as I wandered to the window and peered down. "I thought they'd gone home."
"Judging by the tents and the cooking fires that are currently destroying our front lawn, I assume they're here for the long haul."
"But I've already met with them and told them no."
"Apparently they've decided to wait until you've changed your mind."
I pulled a face. "That's not going to happen. I have no interest in revolution or helping them fight their little war. Even if a coup does take place, only the players will change, not the game."
Claude studied me. "That's a rather pessimistic viewpoint my Lord."
I shrugged. "If it were the common folk wanting to chance the status quo, perhaps I may support that, But this is nobles wanting to seize power from other nobles - in the end they're all the same, they're only concerned with power, not how to use it to benefit others. If i helped them, all I would be doing is adding to the suffering of the helpless. They can camp out as long as they like. I will not design weapons for those who would turn them on innocent people."
"You would have an easier time of it if you did." Claude said. "Some would even call you a hero for it."
"I won't do it." I said flatly. "They can sit out there and rot for all I care."
A slight smile crossed Claude's lips. "Truly, you are the most interesting master I've had in centuries."
"They really are messing up the lawn though - look, they completely destroyed that lovely flowerbed you made Claude, the one for the bees. I loved that flowerbed, it was so pretty to look at from my studio window." I blinked, suddenly sensing I had missed something important.
"Did you say something Claude?"
"No my Lord. I was merely in a state of disgust at the manners knights are taught these days. Truly shocking."
I shrugged. "I'll just spend the day in the workshop out the back At least then I won't see them or hear them yammering away." I sighed. "I did really want to study the wind a bit more today though."
I paused and looked up at the sky. "Maybe I should talk to them one more time - ask them to give up. The weather looks terribly dreary. If it rains some of them are bound to get sick and there's not a medical practitioner for miles about." I frowned. "I guess, if it does rain, I could let them inside - just for a bit. Just so they don't get sick."
"Here. Them. In the house." Claude sounded a bit strangled. "With us."
I nodded. "I mean, it's not the staff's fault their employers are such blockheads. Why should they suffer. Oh, but I'll make it clear to them that I am absolutely adamant that i will not assist them in their endeavour." I smiled brightly at Claude. "That should do it right?"
Claude, in an unaccustomed display of emotion, gripped my shoulders tightly. "My lord, you have already refused them once. You should not have to deal with them any further. I will speak tot hem and insist they evict the premises immediately."
"But Claude, I mean, at the Lord I should do it." I said hesitantly. I was just trying to think of a tactful way to say that nobles and knights would not listen to a mere butler, when he spun me around and basically shoved me from the room.
"I will deal with this my Lord. Go play in your workshop."
"I'm not playing." I mumbled but obediently headed off towards it. "I guess I could look into earthworms again. I mean, the construction of their bodies is exquisite - and how they move without limbs - if only we could utilise....."
I drifted off, lost in happy thoughts of earthworms.
I did think, at some point in the day, I heard something like screaming, but I just assumed it was the knights practicing out front. I did wish they'd keep it down, the earthworms coiled into such little balls when they were startled. It was incredibly cute to watch but not much help with my research.
After a while, it started to get dark. I frowned. Normally Claude would have interrupted my a dozen times already to insist on eating, bathing, getting dressed, brushing my hair. I looked down at myself, still currently in my pajamas, none of which I had done today.
Feeling a bit worried, I set off back into the house. I hope the knights hadn't been cruel to him.
I opened the door, wincing as I left muddy marks on it. I hadn't washed my hands - something Claude was bound to chastise me for.
If I could find him.
After wandering about the house for a bit, I finally caught him, just as he was closing the front door. I must have caught him off guard, the usual ice king himself looked a bit flustered, his cheeks flushed and his normally impeccably groomed hair was mussed.
I dashed over to him. "Claude, are you alright?"
"Oh, uh, my Lord. Yes, I'm compeltley fine." He said, still startled.
I scowled. Claude never said 'um' or sounded unsure. Ever. "They were rude to you weren't they?"
"Who my Lord?"
"The people outside! How dare they insult you? Let me through Claude and I'll give them a piece of my mind."
"My Lord, that won't be necessary."
"Of course it is." I snapped back. "No one gets to insult a member of this house! You are mine and it's my right to defend you."
I froze. Claude was beaming at me. Widely. It was terrifying.
"No, my Lord. They were not rude to me. I was just...assisting them with their departure."
"Oh. Soooo, they're gone?" I said doubtfully.
"To the last man."
Suddenly, he was right before me. He took my hand and bowed over it, pressing the back of it to his lips.
"Uhhhh." I froze like the startled frightened bunny rabbit I was. "Claude?"
"IT's so wonderful to see Master acting like a master should." He said happily.
"O,ok?"
He looked at what I was wearing and frowned. I relaxed. This Claude I was definitely used to.
"Why are you in your pajamas still my Lord?"
"You sent me to the workshop before I had a chance to change."
"....I see. And it did not occur to you to get changed yourself?"
"....earthworms are cute."
"Then I shall also assume that you have not eaten either. Come my Lord, I shall run you a bath and then prepare dinner."
"Surely there's no need for a bath this late in the day? Seems a bit pointless by now."
"Do not think for one moment that I did not see all the mud you have just tracked into the house."
"But then again, baths! Baths are great. Who doesn't like baths."
"Quite." Claude said as he herded me to the bathroom.
A thought crossed my mind. "Was the front garden very badly damaged?"
Claude hesitated. "The extent of the damage was....quite severe my Lord."
"Oh." I said sadly. "So you won't be able to repair the flower beds?"
"I wouldn't say that my Lord. After all." Claude smiled. "I recently got my hands on some excellent fertiliser.
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